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I take the Night bus….I wish I didn’t.

Upon arriving in London I was encouraged to never get the night bus, more so that I lived on the dreaded N8/25 bus route all the way out to East London.

Having spent a months avoiding the night bus, my ever decreasing bank balance (thank you black cabs) forced me to experience the night bus. I wasn’t hugely looking forward to this given the stories I’ve heard.

Anyway, my first night but was a disaster.
Realising I won’t be spending £45 on a taxi home from Soho I managed to spend an extra £45 on alcohol, a good 4 or 5 pints more than normal we’re consumed with somewhat disastrous consequences.

So, I just on the N8 at the first stop just outside John Lewis, first one on so took up my usually upstairs driving seat, feeling like a champion…to my peril.

Watching the flashing lights as we drove past and being thrown side to side did not agree with my additional 5 pints…I thought I could hold on, the bus in the day is never busy and has very few stops….

N8 at that time had 44 stops before my house…managing to stop. At very single one…

By the time we hit Liverpool Street I was on the bus for a natural disaster, a double ended natural disaster. No only was I projectile vomiting as I exited the bus, I was bursting for the toilet and let loose on the nearest building…which was a 24hr office with security.

Having freshly chucked up and covered in back splash I was in no place to negotiate my way out of this so did what any completely wasted 21 year old would do and legged it into the dark abyss. Security would never chase right? Wrong.

I found my self sprinting toward Aldgate when he finally gave up. I wasn’t sure so I carried on until I ran into a barrier…fell over it and dropped 4ft onto an underpass. Ouch. No harm, just a deflated ego and ripped t-shirt.

What’s that? Don’t homeless people sleep in those kind of places? Yes, yes they do and this one was no exception.

I was told another tip before I moved to London…don’t upset the homeless.
He was pissed, disgustingly dirty and carrying a vodka bottle, wasn’t sure if that’s because he was drinking to excess or he was going to destroy me with it and defile my lifeless bleeding body.
A sensible person would run here, I’ve already had a warm up so it should of been natural to run…until fight took over…and I charged.

He was confused and screaming, I was confused and screaming but somehow managed to deliver a WWE style Spear to a homeless man.

That champion feeling from the bus was back. ‘I could be on WWE’ was running through my head.

I was now hurting, lost, still pissed and pumped up with adrenaline. I didn’t know where the bus stop was so a cheeky Hailo app and a taxi home.

Good night.