The Night Bus: A Drunk Disaster

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I take the Night bus….I wish I didn’t.

Upon arriving in London I was encouraged to never get the night bus, more so that I lived on the dreaded N8/25 bus route all the way out to East London.

Having spent a months avoiding the night bus, my ever decreasing bank balance (thank you black cabs) forced me to experience the night bus. I wasn’t hugely looking forward to this given the stories I’ve heard.

Anyway, my first night but was a disaster.
Realising I won’t be spending £45 on a taxi home from Soho I managed to spend an extra £45 on alcohol, a good 4 or 5 pints more than normal we’re consumed with somewhat disastrous consequences.

So, I just on the N8 at the first stop just outside John Lewis, first one on so took up my usually upstairs driving seat, feeling like a champion…to my peril.

Watching the flashing lights as we drove past and being thrown side to side did not agree with my additional 5 pints…I thought I could hold on, the bus in the day is never busy and has very few stops….

N8 at that time had 44 stops before my house…managing to stop. At very single one…

By the time we hit Liverpool Street I was on the bus for a natural disaster, a double ended natural disaster. No only was I projectile vomiting as I exited the bus, I was bursting for the toilet and let loose on the nearest building…which was a 24hr office with security.

Having freshly chucked up and covered in back splash I was in no place to negotiate my way out of this so did what any completely wasted 21 year old would do and legged it into the dark abyss. Security would never chase right? Wrong.

I found my self sprinting toward Aldgate when he finally gave up. I wasn’t sure so I carried on until I ran into a barrier…fell over it and dropped 4ft onto an underpass. Ouch. No harm, just a deflated ego and ripped t-shirt.

What’s that? Don’t homeless people sleep in those kind of places? Yes, yes they do and this one was no exception.

I was told another tip before I moved to London…don’t upset the homeless.
He was pissed, disgustingly dirty and carrying a vodka bottle, wasn’t sure if that’s because he was drinking to excess or he was going to destroy me with it and defile my lifeless bleeding body.
A sensible person would run here, I’ve already had a warm up so it should of been natural to run…until fight took over…and I charged.

He was confused and screaming, I was confused and screaming but somehow managed to deliver a WWE style Spear to a homeless man.

That champion feeling from the bus was back. ‘I could be on WWE’ was running through my head.

I was now hurting, lost, still pissed and pumped up with adrenaline. I didn’t know where the bus stop was so a cheeky Hailo app and a taxi home.

Good night.

These Ironmen

Rob Moses Photography

I was hanging out with my 2 little buddies today and it’s been raining out, so we were stuck inside. At first I was just taking pictures of these Ironman masks, then I thought I’d get these guys to help me out for a minute and put them on for me. I’m glad I did, because this picture turned out much better than the other ones I was shooting. I think it’s the eyes in the mask that make the difference. Make the picture more interesting I suppose.

Boys Hollywood Ironman mask kids bokeh famous Canon FD 50mm - Rob Moses Photograrphy - photographer
Camera: Samsung NX100 with Canon FD 50mm 1.4 – Settings: 1/30th // f1.4 // ISO 250

Thanks for stopping by, Rob

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Party to Restaurant Ratio

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I have an issue with people of limited scope, as we all do, but this time was different.

During working life people will come and go, usually onto better things of some kind. The convention usually dictates that you bid farewell with a lunch or drinks or both. In this story were discussing lunch.

The email goes around a week prior as standard and 12 people reply, fairly standard of a 20 person team. The next step is to book a table for 12 people the following week.

Following still? Makes perfect sense right?

This is how it actually went.
12 people replied for a lunch in Central London to which the organiser responded by choosing one of Carnaby Streets smallest boutique restaurants, Mother Mash. Great place, wonderful food and highly recommended.

The problem becomes two fold: Mother Mash doesn’t take bookings and it’s biggest table fits only nine.
Mother Mash is also one of the most popular Friday lunch venues- turning up at 11.30 is more than advisable.

I didn’t say anything directly to the organiser but made a £10 wager with a colleague that we wouldn’t be able eat at Mother Mash.

The day arrives, no one has realised Mother Mash is tiny, my bet is looking favourable and my smirk is growing.
We depart!

We arrive!

We don’t get a table!
We realise everywhere is full and long story short I eat a Swedish Meatball Ragu wrap from Pret whilst updating my Fantasy Football Team.

£10 win for me, embarrassing moment for the organiser and horrible leaving do for the intern.

The Buffet Dilemma: To eat or not to eat

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Long ago, man, probably a Chinese man invited the concept of ‘The Buffet’. A place where people would come, pay, and eat to their merriment and go forth to other endeavours shortly after.

Strong chance this man is now bankrupt.

As a fan of food I’m struggling to cope with buffet technique or should I say- my body is.

During my fearsome student days I experienced Red Hot World Buffet, £14 all you can eat and drink with a range of foods- setting a small food record of 21 plates which may or may not still stand- lets hope it still does.

I don’t if what’s changed recently but The Real China £3.50 buffet defeated me after one. So I question what went wrong- What did I eat that day? Did I fill up on heavy foods? How many drinks did I have? What would student me do in this situation?

Having not eaten two hours proceeding, had tap water and a well balanced food intake on my first plate I came to realise a simple fact we can all agree on- I wouldn’t feed this to an animal.

Having bought a buffet voucher on groupon I was never expecting greatness but I feel the over riding factor is I no longer eat value foods.
Student me was so used to junk that it was second nature, Red Hot was a luxury as I could eat a weeks worth of food and creep back towards a healthy weight for my frame, that’s the change.

Fine dining, wine, Nandos and Tescos Finest cuisine has killed off the cheap buffet. Would I go to an expensive buffet? Probably not, I don’t have the etiquette to eat 15 plates surrounded by ladies of leisure.

I bid you farewell All You Can Eat Buffet, the younger crowd will still eat your below par food but me, I’m sticking to the KFC Wicked Zinger Meal for now.

Good Morning USA

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Morning,

Not really sure what I’m doing just yet but a friend said I should start a blog…so I did.

I was ranting on to a willing ear about ‘my Britain’ and what I would change if I was a politician when the suggestion was made.
Not sure if they were interested, or if they wanted me to be quiet- either way my serious over thinking will now be vented across a table in Starbucks and across the Internet.

Hello!

Not really sure on content yet but Politics is a likely candidate as is current affairs, modem culture and general defamation of public figures.

Hope you enjoy.

W!